City
what reality could create you
in your dead mother’s open
womb?
The city lying under the blazing sun
under the mist of transformation
Metalinguistic metamorphosis
A hell of dust and resentment
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I think this is good. I am wondering about the placement of womb alone like the word City. If you are emphasizing the word it works OK. It reads well and has much in power relating a city with that of a dead mother’s womb and the blazing sun.
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I understand that the free verse (vers libre) style of writing can be both an easy and a difficult way of writing, yet we must always be conscious of the form we use. Everything must appear consistent throughout because a sudden departure may call more attention to the form than is needed.
4 July 2000
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