De Dominic Tomassetti (7)

The wind whispers under the door[s].

All the doors in the house are closed

[and] I have nothing to remember.

Is there anything to remember?

[Anything I remember

will still be part of my soul.

And this soul will only be mine

when there’s nothing left

to remember.]

*

Did you notice that you are using punctuation here, while before this you avoided it [periods] in your lines? They seem too dramatically different this far into your poem. The remembrance/memory lines need clarification. I suggest rewriting the last five lines entirely.

4 July 2000